Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Hukum Isteri Meleteri Suami ......You're Kidding Me Right??

*Diamlah!*
I have read the FB post on Hukum Isteri Meleteri Suami and honestly, I humbly think that it could have been written without being so bias towards men. (The article is attached below this post).
Even the first example is ridiculous.
“Abang ni balik je kerja, tak nak langsung tolong saya siapkan kerjarumah. Baca suratkhabar, menghadap TV, itu jelah yang awak tahu. Kitakansama-sama bekerja bang. Saya pun penat macam abang juga.Sekurang- kurangnyabuatlah air kopi sendiri, bukannya susah pun. Tukarkan lampin anak ke,ringan sikit kerja saya ni. Nak masak lagi. Abang juga yang nak makannanti... pot.. pet.. pot.. pet..... " leter Ina kepada suaminya sejuruskembali dari pejabat masing-masing.”
Seriously??? That woman had every right to scream at such a lazy bum she has to call “her husband”. What kind of a leader of the house would get back home and expect that his wife takes care of everything when his wife is also working?
Pleaselah!
Taking care of the house is also the husband’s responsibility. A husband should be grateful to his wife for wanting to help him with all these chores.
I think the problem dwells down towards picking the right spouse. A wife should never ever ever ever ever ever expect that your future husband would change when he gets married to you. The same goes for the man.
This is why Islam puts Kufu’ or compatibility as a very important criteria in choosing one’s spouse. If I am not mistaken (please correct me of I mention the wring scholar) and if my memory serves me right, Imam Ghazali concludes that it is a crime for a father who does not put kufu’ as a criteria in choosing a husband for his daughter.
Read the hadith and how the Prophet treated his wives. You would be amazed at how loving and caring (and romantic) he was to his wives. He helped to cook, clean up, sew his own clothes, accompany his wives and all other romantic stuff.
Once when he woke up, he asked his wife if there was any food to eat and she said no. He didn’t yell at her for not informing him earlier that there would be no food that day. He didn’t say nasty stuff to her to belittle her or even warn her with the burning fire of Hell because she did not cook anything for him. What did he do? He decided to fast that day. [Sahih Muslim].
There is a story of Umar Alkhattab ra that should be a good reminder to us as well. However, I could not find any sahih evidence about this narration but the message is clear and beneficial to us. Umar Alkhattab ra was known before Islam by being a harsh person. Nobody dared to mess with him. He was like the gangsta of Mekah. When he was a caliph a man went to him as his wife had a fight with him and he wanted to complain his wife to Umar, but when the man approached Umar’s house, he heard the wife of Umar screaming at him more than his wife did. This guy was stunned. He thought it was just useless to complain to Umar if Umar’s wife was worse than his wife. So he decided to return back silently to his house. Umar saw him and called him to ask why he came. The man told him that he came to complain his wife to him but he found the Umar’s wife was screaming at him more than his wife did. What did Umar reply? Umar said: “She bore me, washed my clothes, raised up my children and cleaned my house, she did all this and she bore all this, then wouldn’t I bear her if she raised up her voice?”
A few observations that I would like to make here is this. And Yes! I can imagine the Bride fidgeting in her seat as read this. This is DEFINITELY A REMINDER TO ME, MYSELF AND I AS WELL. :) (Disclaimer: These observations are to be read in general. No reference should be made to any couple except to the example in the article below)
To some of my dear brothers who are not able to provide wholesomely to their spouse(s) [This includes yours truly, so no personal feelings yah...],
Before you want to demand, you must first provide. Lets face it. Most of us can’t afford to provide for our family wholesomely. Our paycheque is not as impressive as others who are given more rizk from Allah. We need our spouse to also work to make ends meet. This means that women are working not because of leisure but because of the need to support their family. They are working to help us fulfill our responsibility to provide for our family. Read it back again. THEY ARE WORKING TO HELP US FULFILL OUR RESPONSIBILITY. Considering that it is us who are lacking in gaining material wealth which could make our women become a tai tai and just be a fulltime housewife and fulfill our desire as and when we want, how can we expect them to be a Wonder Woman and be oh so full of energy to clean up the house, cook, care for the children and husband and other stuff everyday when they come home from work? You think working is easy and not tiring meh? Think again lorr!!
I’m not trying to belittle our capability. I am sure that we work hard and earn a decent salary. But living in a world filled with inflation, we may not be making enough because the value of our salary is not enough for us to have a luxurious lifestyle. Thus we need our spouse to help us. Since she is now helping us, we must know that she is not like those who are not working, stay home wife with a maid. Even if she is a housewife, men must be considerate and understand that house work is no joke man. Give it a shot for a week and I am sure you would agree with me.
So please stop using religion in wanting to slam your wife for nagging at you for reasons that you brought to your own self.
In Sahih Bukhari, the Prophet commanded that we should not ask a slave or servant to do a thing beyond his capacity. And if at all we need to ask him to do a hard task, we should help him in doing it. Now aren’t our bride at a level which is higher than a slave? If we must respect a slave that way, don’t you think the respect to our bride is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay greater???

Now,
My dear sisters,
There are other ways than to nag to your husband to give a helping hand. As I have mentioned above, if your husband is the type of guy who never helped his mom to clean up the house, don’t expect him to change just for you. Expecting men to change when they get married is like expecting to find an oasis in the middle of the desert. Most of the time it’s just a mirage and if you do find one, you are one damn lucky girl. Cherish him then :)
Nagging may not be the best way to get him to help you.
It would also help if you know the financial capability of your family and to spend (and ask) within your family’s budget. I don’t know about others but I’m sure I’d feel like a complete loser if I can’t make the Bride happy and contented by providing for all that she wants. I think most men who love their bride are like this. And I am sure, all brides who love their groom would not want to make their husbands feel like losers right?? :)
Sheesh… what a long post. Sounds like I’m a nagging husband now.

The article that sparked me to write this is reproduced below.
The beginning is ridiculously bias. Its conclusion is more or less the same with my post here. But the title is sooo chauvinist.
Blog adjourned.


Hukum Isteri Meleteri Suami ......

"Abang ni balik je kerja, tak nak langsung tolong saya siapkan kerjarumah. Baca suratkhabar, menghadap TV, itu jelah yang awak tahu. Kitakansama-sama bekerja bang. Saya pun penat macam abang juga.Sekurang- kurangnyabuatlah air kopi sendiri, bukannya susah pun. Tukarkan lampin anak ke,ringan sikit kerja saya ni. Nak masak lagi. Abang juga yang nak makannanti... pot.. pet.. pot.. pet..... " leter Ina kepada suaminya sejuruskembali dari pejabat masing-masing.

Kalaulah Ina tahu, betapa besar hukuman serta dosanya meleteri suamisendiri,sudah tentu dia tidak akan mengulangi perbuatannya itu. Lebih-lebihlagi, sekiranya Intan menghayati ganjaran pahala yang tidak ternilai keranaberbakti kepada suaminya. Dia tidak akan merasa susah mahupunpenat dalammelaksanakan tanggungjawabnya sebagai isteri dan ibu.

Dewasa ini boleh dikatakan fenomena isteri meleteri suami atau dalam katalain tidak menghormati suami. Bagaikan sudah menjadi satu perkara lumrahbagi kebanyakkan pasangan, tanpa sedikitpun merasa bersalah melayani merekaseperti adik lelaki sahaja lagaknya.

Apa yang lebih mendukacitakan, apabila ada di kalangan isteri yangmenyifatkan menjaga peribadinya dengan bersikap sopan terhadap suamisebagai ketinggalan zaman.

Keadaan ini juga akan menjadi model yang tidak baik kepada anak-anak yangmungkin diwarisi dari satu generasi ke satu generasi lain sehingga akhirnyamenjadi satu budaya yang negatif.

Banyak nas al-Quran, terutamanya hadis Nabi yang membincangkan tentangkewajipan isteri mentaati suami, selagi tidak diminta melakukan perbuatanmaksiat.

Sabda Rasulullah s. a. w. yang bermaksud: " Jika sekiranya aku berhakmenyuruh seseorang supaya sujud kepada seseorang yang lain, nescaya akumenyuruh para isteri sujud kepada suaminya. " Hadis tersebut menerangkanbetapa kepatuhan isteri terhadap suami amat diutamakan demi kebaikansesebuah institusi keluarga, sesuai kedudukannya sebagai pemimpin rumahtangga.

Demikian juga halnya ketika junjungan besar Nabi Muhammad s. a. w. mikrajkelangit. Baginda telah dipersaksikan dengan neraka dan penghuninya yangkebanyakkannya terdiri daripada kaum wanita.

Ali Karramallahu Wajhah berkata: " Aku masuk ke rumah Nabi besertaFatimah,aku mendapati baginda sedang menangis tersedu-sedan ." Akubertanya, " Ya Rasulullah, apa yang! membuat anda menangis? "

Baginda menjawab, " Ya Ali, pada malam aku diangkat ke langit, aku melihatkaum perempuan daripada umat ku disiksa di neraka dengan bermacam-macamseksaan. Lalu aku menangis kerana begitu berat seksaan mereka yang akulihat. "

MENGHERDIK

Baginda antara lain melihat perempuan yang digantungkan dengan lidahnya,sedangkan air panas dituangkan ke dalam tenggoroknya kerana ia telahmenyakiti dan menyumpah-nyumpah suaminya.

Ada isteri yang tergamak bercakap kasar malah mengherdik suaminya keranatidak mendapat apa yang diminta seperti barang kemas, perabot rumah berupaset sofa dan TV rata 29 inci yang menjadi trend semasa.

Lebih buruk lagi perangai si isteri apabila membanding-bandingkan suamidengan jiran tetangga yang mampu menyediakan barangan terbabit, sekali gusdilabelkan sebagai suami mithali. Bukan tidak boleh sama sekali memintasesuatu daripada suami tetapi janganlah menggesa mereka menuruti kemahuananda sehingga membebankan dirinya.

Sebaliknya, isteri patut bersyukur kerana berpeluang meraih keredhaanAllah.

Nabi Muhammad s. a. w. bersabda, " Sesungguhnya Allah tidak memandangkepada seorang isteri yang tidak bersyukur kepada suaminya. "

Hal ini biasa terjadi kepada suami yang miskin, manakala isterinya pulatergolong dalam orang-orang berada, yang suka mengungkit-ungkit mengenaihartanya, apatah lagi yang telah dinafkahkan kepada suaminya.

Mungkin ia agak sukar untuk dipenuhi apatah lagi bagi isteri yangbekerja,namun percayalah, ia bukan sahaja akan menjadi perkara biasa tetapijuga ringan dan lancar, jika kita menganggapnya sebagai ibadah dan juga satujihad.

Marilah kita sama-sama merenungi kisah anakanda kesayangan Nabi Muhammad s.a.w. iaitu Fatimah Az-Zahra yang melaksanakan rutin hariannya sebagaiseorang suri rumah tangga secara sendirian tanpa pembantu. Fatimah padasuatu hari telah meminta suaminya, Ali pergi menemui Rasulullah s. a. w.dan meminta jasa baik baginda untuk menyerahkan seorang wanita tawananperang sebagai pembantu rumah.

Rasulullah bagaimanapun tidak dapat memperkenankan permintaan puterinyakerana semua harta rampasan perang termasuk wanita-wanita itu bukan menjadimilik baginda, tetapi milik negara Islam dan kaum Muslimin seluruhnya.

Baginda tidak dapat memberikan sesuatu yang bukan menjadi miliknya.

Permintaan Fatimah itu membimbangkan baginda, bukan kerana tugas berat yangsedang dipikul oleh puterinya itu tetapi disebabkan oleh bayangan keluhkesah seorang isteri yang tertekan akibat tugas-tugas yang perludibereskannya.

Pada sebelah malamnya, baginda telah mengunjungi rumah Fatimah danmenyatakan kepadanya: " Apakah kamu berdua (Fatimah dan Ali) suka kepadasatu pemberian yang akan ku berikan ini, sedangkan ia lebih baik daripadaapa yang kamu minta siang hari tadi? "

Fatimah amat sukacita mendengarkan tawaran tersebut sekalipun dia tidakmengetahui apa bentuknya. Rasulullah menyatakan kepada Fatimah bahawahendaklah dia membaca Subhanallah, Alhamdulillah dan Allahu Akbar,masing-masing sebanyak 33 kali setiap kali sebelum tidurnya.

Semenjak itu, wirid yang diajarkan oleh Rasulullah telah menjadi amalananak dan menantunya. Hasilnya, Fatimah mendapati dia tidak lagi menjadikeluh kesah dalam menghadapi apa jua kerja-kerja sehariannya yang berat,malah merasa cukup bahagia melakukannya.

Baginya, segala tugasan yang disempurnakannya sebagai seorang suri rumahmerupakan satu amalan yang solehah. Dengan taufik Allah, sesungguhnyawalau seberat mana sekalipun tugasan yang menanti di rumah, tidak akanmemenatkan selagi steri tidak meletakkan dirinya seolah-olah sama tarafdengan suami, walau setinggi mana sekalipun darjatnya.

Kepada para suami, kita sama-sama maklum, dalam zaman moden yang serbamencabar ini terutamanya di bandar-bandar besar, kita tidak dapat mengelakkos sara hidup yang tinggi sekaligus memerlukan kedua-dua suami isterikeluar bekerja.

Si isteri telah melakukan pengorbanan mencari rezeki tambahan untuk menyarakeluarga yang sepatutnya menjadi tanggungjawab suami. Jadi sudi apalahkiranya sang suami bersama-sama meringankan tugas si isteri seadanya.Bukankah Rasulullah s. a. w. telah berpesan supaya para suami berbuat baikkepada isteri mereka.Jikalau isteri taat kepada kalian, janganlah pulamenyusahkan mereka.

Nabi Muhammad s. a. w. bersabda yang ertinya: " Orang-orang yangterbaik daripada kamu sekalian adalah yang lebih baik dalam mempergaulikeluarganya dan saya adalah yang terbaik dalam mempergauli keluargaku. "

Bagi kaum wanita & lelaki yg sudah berumah-tangga, marilah kita sama-samabelajar saling tolong-menolong meringankan beban pasangan kita.

Semoga kisah tadi membawa menfaat bagi kita semua... insya'Allah. .

SIKAP ISTERI tidak menghormati SUAMI adalah GEJALA SOSIAL MUSLIM sekarang.Ia dilakukan kerana berfikir bahawa SUAMI mesti buat seperti ISTERI dalamRUMAHTANGGA.

TABIAT-ISTERI suka meleteri suami dan TABIAT-SUAMI yang suka meletakkansemua tanggungjawab rumahtangga ke atas bahu isteri semata-mata; mestilahdihentikan, demi mendidik MENTAL ZURIAT kita ke suatu BUDAYA IBADAT.

WASSALAM..

Reactions:

8 obiter dictum:

Anonymous said...

Salam. Well said mister. In fact, in Islam, if I'm not mistaken it is the husband's duty to provide maintenance including food. What I meant by food are food that are ready to be eaten bukan yang beli barang mentah balik rumah suruh isteri masak. tanggungjawab si suami memberi makan makanan yang sudah dimasak kepada isteri. If you want her to cook, you can do so but it's her right to demand from you her pay. Jujurnya, di dunia umum tahu tugas isteri adalah untuk masak. tapi tak ramai yang tahu tugas si suami yang sebenarnya untuk sediakan semua termasuk makanan. now that she cooks for you, and taking care of your needs, a little nag won't do any harm. Correct me if I'm wrong. Tapi kan ada hadith Rasul S.A.W tentang sahabat yang datang kepada Rasul mengadu tentang isterinya yang suka berleter tapi Rasul S.A.W suruh biarkan sahaja. Sesungguhnya dialah ibu yang menjaga anak-anak kamu. Dialah isteri yang membahagiakan kamu.

Wallahualam.

Quiyah said...

W.O.W. can i link this article in my blog? to serve a reminder to me and my husband.

two_one said...

Anon: :) I'm not sure of that hadith u mention. it sounds logical but I'm no hadith expert huhu. :)
Q: Ambil apa yang jernih, tinggalkan apa yang keruh. :)

Anonymous said...

why when it about the home chores women will always like to say it a shared responsibilities between husband and wife, as the wife is also work. but when it time on money your husband's money is the wife's money but the wife money is her to keep. If marriage is a sharing between husband and wife ...and should cover all aspect of life....emmmmm

khemy said...

What can I say, you are 300% correct. But they are still men out there need to get some education about sharing a burden with their working wives. Typical men expect their wives to do everything including scrubbing the toilet. That's is so ruthless. I came across a guy who in his entire life tak pernah buat susu anak. Or bath their kids. How sad is that? How malang is the wife??

two_one said...

Khemy: orang dulu lain daripada orang sekarang... im sure the old dad's tak pernah buat jugak but the working life back then was different. Itu pun, kalau wife tak kisah, takper la kot... cuma janganla kita demanding sangat... :)

Anonymous said...

Men is always being a men. Ego power tricks freaks n controls.

Anonymous said...

Yes true men with thier big ego control freak n control tricks . Who is he think he is . Treat wife like a slave n treat mistress or gf like a queen